I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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