You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
