remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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