Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize