Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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