Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
