Just cropdusted the office
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
