I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
