Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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