You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
