He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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