well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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