I'm gonna have a badass scar
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
