I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
