I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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