How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
