dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
