I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
