i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
