Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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