someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so let's talk penis.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
