the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
