It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
don't judge my taste in strippers
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
