Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
