Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
