...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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