I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
