I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
