Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
