I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
