if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
