he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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