i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
