non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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