Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
