just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
