Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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