Banned from zoo.
Again?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
