You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
