I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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