I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I need moral support for this bender
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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