When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
