Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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