I hate your face
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
