is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How does it feel to date your dad?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
