There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
