hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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