Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
