I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
