I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
