i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
