Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
