After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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