every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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