Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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