I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In other news, I just burned my penis
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
