I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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