I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
