This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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