Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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