She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
