i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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