You're so nebulous sometimes
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
