Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
