are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
