We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
