I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
