Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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