Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
