So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
