he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so let's talk penis.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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