My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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