Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
