Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
